"The Holiday that Shall Not be Named"

Bah Humbug!!
When it comes to that "Holiday that will not be Mentioned" I have decided that I love the lights and the decorations, but the whole shopping gig.....not so much.

If you live around the Toledo, Ohio area the Toldeo Zoo has a fabulous light display that I completely recommend.
Well worth the trip and the time, but look out for the cold. GF and I went this past w/e and it was below 30 with somewhat gusty winds. It really helped to have those foot warmer type things in our shoes.
They cost only 1 dollar at the Bullseye store, but it is awesome how much better one feels when the feet are warm and not freezing.
Since the last time I went to the zoo they also seem to have switched many of the lights over to LEDs and they are really nice.

Shopping...yuk, light seeing (word play intended there) two thumbs up!!

Lesbian Olympics...

Here is a famous athlete you might recognize. She is putting in some quality work out time with a woman who is reported to be her "live in trainer." Um.....excuse me, but how do I get in on that gym plan????? I should have such a trainer...oy!

You Gotta' Keep 'Em Separated

I would not say that I am a conscious separatist. I mention this as GF and I went to a B'day party for one of her long time friends recently. I was dragged along pouting and thinking of all the other things that I could be doing, but sometimes one must do things to humor the wife.
The Birthday party was for one half of a lesbian couple. Then there was GF and me....and then, there were...(gasp)....a bunch of straight people, AKA breeders and I think you can get the gist of the crowd we were with.
I really knew none of these people. The ones who brought their brats....um...excuse me, lovely and bright progeny....let the little crumb snatchers....ummmm, sweet pumpkins I mean, get into the hot tub on the outdoor deck.
I then spent an hour or so dodging the waves of water that the little shitheads....er...I mean...snickerdoodles....were pushing over the side of the hot tub and on to the deck.
Clutching my drink in hand and idly daydreaming, whilst puddle jumping, of all the fun I have ever had in hot tubs with the various GFs of my past. Current GF seemed to quite enjoy the game of dodge a big wave of water, then threaten to do something to the little MFers....er, I mean charming children, and then hold adult conversation with others until the next time the surf came up.
I mention this only because recently GF talked with the non-Birthday person of the lesbian couple who owned the house where we played ever so fun water park games in our street clothes. Apparently there was some conversation about how weird I acted that night and how I walked around clutching my purse and was not very sociable.

So...this then evolved into me telling GF about how I really don't have much use for straight people. I don't really hold anything against them other than my clothes getting wet from their devil spawn....ummmm....I mean adorable little cherubs.
Truly though they sat around and corrected their kids behavior which became a game I was surprised to find GF seemed to like to play. Then there was all the talk of the family vacations and talk of Vegas (never been) and just other who is playing golf with whom at the club and look how big so and so kids are getting...and on, and on, and on......
After I finished telling GF all of my reasons for not really enjoying myself in straight land she told me that those are pretty much the same things that her best friend says in almost the exact same words.

Great minds think alike I say. I do have a plan for the future however. Whenever GF mentions a straight people party that she would like me to attend with her I will be running to the bathroom. There I shall proceed to fill a bucket with water. I will then return to the area of GF and throw a few waves of water her way. Just as a friendly reminder that I just don't understand why she and her friend did not understand why I did not seem to be having a wonderful time at their Birthday party. Better yet perhaps I should go make a few phone calls towards an estimate of getting a hot tub installed at my own house. I guess if you can't beat them (the kids that is...but trust me I did think about it) then one must join them.

RIP Captains

Capt. Phil from "Deadliest Catch."
Tonight's episode covers his death.
I have seen the previous two episodes where one of his crew finds him down and Emergency Medical Services is called.
He had a right sided stroke and very clearly cannot move the left side of his body when they first find him.

Made me think about how life would be if we could wake up one day and know that today is it. The end, fini, no tomorrow.
If you knew one morning when you woke up that it would be your last day what would you do?
Cap't Phil died Feb 9, 2010.
Shortly before he has the stroke the cameras film Capt. Phil looking at childhood pictures of his two sons as well as younger pictures of himself.
I later learned that one of his sons had recently disclosed to Capt. Phil that he has an addiction problem.

Ouch...little close to home for me personally. My brother kills himself and two months later my Dad has a stroke.
Cap't Phil's memorial service was April 30th, 2010. My Dad's service was the next day on May 1st.
President Obama was in town for the graduation ceremony at the University of Michigan.
I wasn't able to get up and say anything at my brother's memorial service because I knew that I would break down into one of those crying, choking, can no longer speak episodes.
I was prepared for my Dad's service and was going to get up and say something about my Dad being a life-long Democrat and how honored I was that the President himself would come to Michigan on the day of Dad's service.
Dad's service didn't go quite as planned at least for me. His wife's church pastor showed up and even though I know the guy didn't know Dad at all he did a fair job of talking about him with one big exception.
Something really big.
Dad was not into organized religion whatsoever. Dad was not a highly judgemental kinda cat. He felt that life should be about having fun.
So Rev. Loser finishes his talk with some very pointed comments about non-believers.
I feel a slow burn start inside.
I'm thinking great...when the Rev. invites anyone else to get up and speak I'm going to make my President/Democrat joke and then talk a little about how believer or non-believer makes not an iota of difference. Dad was a good guy who made his way along as best as he could.
So Rev. Jagoff finishes his talk and then just walks out while hugging my Dad's wife.
I had also been thinking about how if I wanted to shame the Rev I would get up and talk about how long my Dad's wife was virtually homebound while caring for my Dad.
The Rev didn't take any time to visit her even though she had been a member of the church for at least 10+ years that I know of.
The Rev finally did take some time to visit her when a member of the congregation made pointed remarks to him about how he needed to go visit her in this time of spiritual crisis.
As no one else was invited to speak I did not get the chance to either make my little joke or talk at all about Dad.
Hope Dad and Cap't Phil meet somewhere to share some good stories of times out on a boat. Hopefully they are having a beer and even smoking a couple of cigs...that just might be Heaven for those guys.

bLOveG/Mormon Woman

That is sort of blog and love all rolled into one. I do love reading them.
There are times when I start searching through blogs and one just leads to another and then another. Then I realize, holy shit Batman, where did 3 hours just disappear to?
Just read one from a mid-20s woman who was a Mormon and did the whole mission trip thing and all. Then came out as a lesbian.
I can only imagine how the patriarchal man centered Mormon religion would feel about that.
Where is a religion that is kind, supportive, empathetic and basically about feeling connected and love for other people instead of trying to direct how they live their lives?
Shouldn't a religion, or a set of shared beliefs be about supporting people for who they are and making connections rather than condemnation?
Jon Krakauer wrote an amazing book titled "Under the Banner of Heaven."
It is mostly about a splinter sect of Mormons who are also known as Fundamentalists.
It also details the history of the Mormon religion that I found to be a fascinating read.
It is also where I learned about the magic underwear.
Gotta wonder about a religion that even dictates what kind of panties you are supposed to be wearing. But maybe that is just me.......
Special drawers....celestial even....who knew?

Prison Nurse

It is an interesting thing to say to people that I work in a prison. Sometimes I can see their eyes glaze over because they really don't know what to say next.
I think so far I have one favorite story. I should probably get the you must be 18 or older warning on my blog for this tale. So..there is your warning that you might want to consider carefully before reading further.
I did not personally witness this situation. It was re-told to me by a person who has worked in a prison setting for many years.
This person was telling me the story of an inmate who came to them with a complaint of hemorrhoids. Apparently a tube of generic Prep H was given out to help shrink the nasty little buggers. Pretty sure that the nurse in this case just thought it was run of the mill ol' hemorrhoids and did not bother to take a peek. When it comes down to looking at assholes...well sometimes you want to just skip that portion of the program.....I know that I would.
I probably showed a bit of my own personal character when this story was re-told to me as well.
Anyway...to get to the point here, so after awhile this particular prisoner comes back and has had no success with the shrinkage of said hemorrhoids. So...in prison always think unicorn when originally you think that you might be looking for a plain ol' horse.
Apparently these little hang arounds were actually anal warts.
Eeeeewwwww.....
How my personal character showed in this situation? I said to the person who was telling the story.....makes you wonder what he really wanted the Prep H for huh?
I will let you, dear reader, decide what exactly I meant by writing that.....

Happy 4th

Summer is lovely...go out there and enjoy it before it is gone.

My on again off again love affair....

Not perhaps what you are thinking.

I smoked for almost 10 years. I was a late bloomer and started at the ripe age of 26 years old.
I even smoked the entire time that I was going through nursing school. Nothing is more fun than having peers come out of a campus building and glare at the 4 or 5 of us die hards (pun intended!) out there smoking. Those of us still sucking and puffing found the looks quite hilarious.

I finally decided that I could be fat or I could smoke, but I could not be both. Yep...gave up the smoking.

It still comes around for a brief fling here and there though. When I bought my first house the anxiety put me over the edge. Finally I just had to smoke for a short while. Then I quit her again.

After my brother's suicide I hung in there, but when my Dad had his stroke I climbed back on her for another little affair. You can imagine the interesting looks I got when people found out that my Dad just had a stroke and my response was to take up a habit that is likely to give me one as well.

So I had a job that I hated and then I quit that one. The current job is rather interesting. I started working as a nurse in a prison.

Yesterday I started my rather expensive and deadly love affair again.

Back soon, I have to go take an aspirin and sharpen up my resume.

Prison stories some day in the future. It is a fascinating culture. Truly a little city within fences and bars. I must have a middlin' amount of paranoia at all times while at work because becoming complacent can lead to trouble. I think the people who work there love it and hate it all at the same time. Many people are just not cut out for it and usually can be easily peeped out.


I'm not sure that I am completely cut out for this as I think my job is still evolving. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would end up doing this.

How and why....

How does the dog know when I have run out of paper towel?
And why is the next sound that I hear as I use the last piece the sound of the dog starting to get sick on the carpeting?
Just a thought to ponder.

Sarah Palin

STFU

Bye Dad

My Dad finally passed away on Good Friday of 2010. I had seen him less than a week before and he had stopped talking and seemed only minimally conscious.
I miss that Dad who enjoyed life so much.
If I wrote an obituary for him I would definitely include a fact that he was very proud of. Dad sailed his own boats on the Great Lakes for 50 years.
I really don't know how he learned to sail, but he always seemed to know what to do.
As a young child and later as a teen aged girl I remember riding out some fairly fierce storms while we were out sailing.
Times when the waves would be so high that the boat would work to get to the top of a huge wave all the while feeling like it wanted to just slip back down that upward slope. Then cresting the wave and at times shuddering and humming as it slid down that mountain of water. I was certain that we would just go right to the bottom of the wave and then the boat would keep going until we were under water.
Times when the boat would heel over because of the amount of wind and I was certain that we were going over. Dad would assure me and then re-assure me that we would not tip over. Many sailboats have a thing that is named a keel in the middle of the bottom of the boat. It is shaped somewhat similarly to the wing of an airplane, but is not as long as an entire wing. I did eventually figure out though that the higher the keel was pulled out of the water the more area and weight that would be exerted on the leaning sailboat.
At times we would be sailing over lakes entirely shrouded in fog. Freighter ships aren't really all that loud as they power along. I was frequently scared that we would encounter a freighter coming quietly through the fog and that disaster would result.
Dad had an interesting implement that he hauled up the mast whenever we were in this situation. It was something made out of metal and he called it a radar deflector.
Great Lake freighters do have radar and the deflector was to help our relatively tiny boat show up on their radar so that we would not get creamed.
I still have one message left on my cell phone voice mail that Dad left me. It was from last year. Dad called me the weekend that he would eventually end up having his stroke and was wondering what I wanted to do for my upcoming Birthday as it was only about 10 days from the day of his phone call.
Dad died this year one day before his wife's Birthday and six days before my Birthday.
For my Birthday I would have wanted and still want the happy Dad who was such a fan of steam trains and sailboats.
I knew him for all of my 44 years and I still feel like the time just flew, and I can't imagine ever having a day where I don't miss him.

True Confessions

I fully admit that I met my current GF via a matchmaking site online. What has been strange over the past couple of years is that as we have compared dates and times of place we have been...well, we have been at many of the same Gay Pride marches, AIDS events and concerts (ya know...like the Indigo Girls or Melissa) on the exact same day and time.
When talking with current GF I remember being in D.C. with an ex-GF many years ago and how she knew my now current GF and stopped to talk with her. I stood nearby, annoyed, and thinking hurry up, let's get going.
The only reason that I bring this up is because I am amazed at something about the online dating world.
I had a few accounts with different sites offering matchmaking services. I have managed over the last year and a half or so to get removed from the e-mail lists of most of them.
Once in awhile though an email will pop up to show me my "new" matches.
Things that I have learned:
There is a hard core group of people who are always on the site. I have seen their picture and profile on one or the other or many different sites over the past three years.
SUGGESTION: If you have had your picture posted non-stop for that length of time it makes me wonder if you are the "lemon" of possible lesbian relationships. It also makes me wonder if your breath stanks or if you are really socially inappropriate because if you have not managed to find someone after 3+ years there might be issues. Perhaps it is time to consider some professional help.
You might want to take the picture down for awhile and make potential daters out there stop wondering what the hell?
Additionally, if you have your picture posted for that length of time then anyone with half a brain might wonder if you are just looking for lots of sexual partners. Hey, I don't have an issue with that, but if that is the case then STOP advertising yourself as looking for a LTR.

In addition...if you have yourself posted at the same site with different screen names, but essentially the same age, picture, location, etc....that makes a potential dater pause and wonder if you really think someone is not smart enough to notice that your are, "luvsladies," "sexxieyes," and "694me."
Which brings me to another decent point...lay off of the lame names. The woman who lists herself as "slowscrew4me." Ummm..........eeeeewwwww, yuk.
Might just as well call yourself "'ho that's slow to "O." If you can appreciate my lingo on that one.

I also have a sneaking suspicion that eventually the dating service will just cycle every other potential dater through a person's e-mail account as a "Look who we have matched you up with person." Bless their hearts for thinking that I will date a neo-Conservative Christian lesbian who loves deer hunting, guns and Sarah Palin, but really, not so much.....

I am lucky to have found a nice, smart, decently employed woman who is stable. (On most days;) But hey, she would likely say the same about me....

Job Hate

People are so kind that they keep telling me positive things about my new job.

"Give it time."
"You'll get used to it."
"Change is hard."

Okay, nice things to say, but meanwhile I'm miserable.
To top things off for the first time since becoming a hopsital nurse I hurt my back at work.

Typically I don't pay a lot of attention to my paycheck, but I did notice where I was charged 1.5 hours of Personal Time Off (PTO) on the paycheck when I went to the ED to have my back checked out.
What kind of place charges you your personal/sick/vacation time to go to the ER for an injury that occured at the work place?
Apparently the place where I work.

So I questioned it, and got the answer that yes, I do have to use my PTO to be seen in the ER in the middle of my shift no less.
I find the contract on-line and a paragraph where it clearly states that an injured employee will continue to be paid, including any shift premiums if applicable, while they are gone due to an injury that occured at work.
If the employee is stuck in the ED past the end of their shift then the pay ceases, but hey, I'm Okay with that.

So I cut and paste that portion of the contract and email it to the Admin Assistants and both my Supervisor and Director. Suddenly no one is answering that email.
Makes me wonder how many people out there they have charged PTO for going to the ED and whooops, maybe that wasn't the correct thing to do.

Suddenly I'm feeling bitchy about the whole issue. I remember when I was working at a job in the mid-90s where I injured my back. As I recall they started paying my mileage to drive to and from my PT appts.
Suddenly I feel the urge to look into whether that applies in this case as well.
I don't get really angry very easy, but when I do...look the fuck out.
If I'm miserable I think the people who are causing the misery might as well pick up the clue phone and figure out that they pissed me off big time.

But hey, maybe that is just me.....

today

My sister's Birthday and three days past one year since my brother killed himself.

My grief clock has ticked over for him.

I added some songs to my ITunes today.
Looking back I see that some songs had been played an inordinate number of times when compared to others.

I listened to "Don't Worry Baby" by the Beach Boys nearly 300 times. When I was a young girl the Beach Boys always used to play a concert at the local outdoor venue on Memorial Day Weekend. My brother often went to see them when he was in High School.

The other song I listened to a lot was "Sara" by Fleetwood Mac. The poet in my heart, never die...

Happy Birthday to my sister. I love you like crazy.

Winter Hygiene

Talking about shaving the pits and the legs here.

In winter my skin is usually so dry that there is a bit of a hiatus in the shaving department.
That is usually no big deal in my world. I will be going to Florida shortly and might do some light maintenance then, but otherwise don't really care.

I got a surprise recently though.
In a few different arenas of my life.

I injured my back at work this past December.
I have been to the Occupational Health Services a few times. They gave me a lifting restiction that is essentially impossible to follow and do my work. The HCP (Health Care Provider...to cover MDs, DOs, PAs and NPs) tells me that it is up to my department to make sure that the lifting restriction is doable. Personally, I don't think my department gives a shit as they are chronically short staffed.

So...I digress. To get to the point here...I finally agree to go to some Physical Therapy (hereafter known as PT) aka...Pain and Torture (PT).

So I wander into my first PT appt carefree other than nervous and wondering about how much pain and torture I am about to be sujected to.
PT gives me a gown and tells me everything off except for my socks, underwear and bra. I resist the temptation to tell her that I have never had a woman come on to me so strongly....but I do amuse myself.
I then consider my rather jungly areas and that I am not wearing a pair of underpants that do the best job of covering all of my bits and parts. (TMI...I know).

During a post-appt review I realize that the legs don't look as bad as my over active mind had imagined. I was thinking King Kong, but it was more like hairless Chihuahua.

My pits were middlin'. The PT is originally from Europe so I assauge my qualms by thinking that I have always heard that in Europe women aren't nearly so uptight about the pit hair. Overall, I am sure she has seen more interesting things on bodies during her career so today I go back for my next appt.
Think that I might go perform a little pit maintenance now.

The other surprises an astute reader might be wondering about?
My left leg is a half inch longer than my right and I have scoliosis.
I'm a flippin' mess, but you already knew that didn't you?

Quiet Beauty

That is snow.

When it is dark out and only street lights provide some glow,
It is a quiet beauty that falls
From the sky it is wonderful as long as I have nowhere to go

sNOw, sNOw

It snowed for hours this morning.

I was in my house thinking that I wish someone would come along and offer to shovel the sidewalk to make some money.


I finally pepped myself up enough to get out there and just do it.

I looked out the window and someone had already done it and no one asked for any money.

Need to go out there and pay this forward somehow.